Act 1 Scene 1.

Scene opens showing a deserted street next to two houses with papers, rubbish, dirt all over. An overflowing trash can is at the side. A “Missing Person: Rewarding Eternal Peace if found” poster is on one of the walls. An old lady, Gayle, is sweeping the rubbish off her doorstep with a broom and onto her neighbor’s. A man, Frank, walks into the scene smoking a cigarette and stops to read the “Missing Person” poster.

Gayle: They never pay up. Don’t even bother.

She opens her house door and goes inside it carrying the broom. She closes the door behind her. The door of another apartment block opens and a young lady, Erica, steps out of it carrying an identical broom. She proceeds to start sweeping all the rubbish on her doorstep to Gayle’s doorstep.

Frank: Eternal peace.

Erica: Can’t afford to give them anything more. Finishes sweeping the rubbish onto Gayle’s doorstep and picks up a watering can to water the dead flowers in a flowerpot. What’s a man like you doing on a street like this anyway? If you’re a spy, you’re not very undercover you know.

Frank: I’m not a spy Holds out his hand for a handshake

Erica: Puts water can down and shakes his hand awkwardly Erica Black. You’re odd.

Frank: No, I’m Frank. That’s what my friends call me.

Erica: You’re friends call you odd?

Frank: Sometimes.

Short pause. Erica removes her hand and continues watering the flowers. Frank sits down on the steps of Erica’s apartment block. She puts down the watering can and sits down beside him.

Erica: What do you do for a living, Frank?

Frank: I’m a writer. I used to sell hundreds of books back in the deep south. Now, my mother and I make use of what little I earn from writing the occasional newspaper column and monthly magazine. I hoped moving here would give us better odds.

Erica: Scoffs Better odds.

Frank: A real-estate agent promised us a good deal on an apartment. He was supposed to meet me here. I guess I’m early.

Erica laughs loudly

Frank: Laughs along. What's so funny?

Erica: And I thought no one would actually want to live here! Wipes a tear You are odd.

Frank: But what’s wrong with here? This seems like a nice place.

Erica: I don’t think you are mentally stable. Besides, everyone who lives here is insane anyway… you will fit right in.

Frank: What do you mean?

Erica: OCD spreads like the flu. We have vaccinations for the seasonal demonic possession. The rector from that block would treat them Nods towards right side of stage but who exorcises the exorcist? He was one of the longest lasting. Died about five months after he started speaking backwards.

Frank: I'm, a Pentecostal.

Erica: Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Frank, and you'll be just fine.

A short pause.

Frank: Well, what’s your life story?

Erica: I grew up in this house with my father, who is currently, Looks around missing. My mother never said a word to me, she died when I was five, and I don’t have any siblings. I sell my flowers for a living. My cousin Freddie lives here with us and he pays the rent.

Frank takes a look at the dead flowers and turns back.

Frank: How come your mother never said a word to you?

Erica: She doesn’t speak.

Frank: Oh…well that’s sad, I have a cousin who has the same problem.

Erica: Oh no, it’s not that. She can speak, she just doesn’t want to.

Frank: Oh.

A brightly dressed man flounces into the scene from the right side of the stage. He comes to Erica and kisses her hand.

Freddie: Mademoiselle! Why art thou so fair?

Erica: Stand up and takes back her hand I… I don’t know.

Freddie: And you are Mister….Frank Arthur?

Frank: Stands up Are you the Real Estate agent.

Freddie: Estate agent, yes. Real, I really I don’t know. Walks over and examines the dead flowers.

Erica: To Frank He thinks he’s a ghost.

Frank: Why?

Erica: Too much time at the theatre.

The door in the apartment block beside Erica’s opens and Gayle steps out clutching her chest.

Freddie: At Gayle. BOO!

Gayle: My poor heart! Faints

Frank and Erica turn to look at Gayle’s fainted form, and then turn to each other again. Freddie removes his coat and puts in on one of the steps, and bends down to examine the dead flowers further. Frank shakes his head and walks over to Freddie.

Frank: About the house we talked about....

Freddie: Straightens up The one you were to move in once the original owner was deceased? That would be…looks around…this one. Points to Gayle’s house. Frank and him stare at Gayle’s dead body Well what do you know, you can move in now! Claps hands together and says quickly Now about the mortgage bill, since there weren’t many complications it won’t cost you an arm and a leg. You just need to buy the land and wonderful, you’re done. I’ll get my helper to put the bill in your mailbox today evening, pay me in the morning and the house is yours!

Frank: Stutters B-but what about the body?

Freddie: What body?

Frank points to Gayle.

Freddie: Walks over to Gayle and nudges her with his feet. Oh, this body.

Frank nods.

Freddie: Thinks for a while Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the great…Gayle Hempsworth who has helped many of through thick and thin. She will be dearly missed by all who knew her. Amen. There, now she can rest in peace.

Erica starts crying

Frank: But, I don’t want to look at her resting in peace.

Freddie thinks for a while. He walks over to his coat, picks it up, and lays it over Gayle’s body. Then looks back at Frank.

Frank: That hardly helped.

Freddie: Well fine. Bends over to pick the coat up.

Frank: Stops him No, just…just leave it there.

Freddie: If there is anything else. I’ll be off now.

Frank: Yes, that would be just fine.

Freddie: Au revoir. Takes Erica’s hand and makes to kiss it. She is still crying so he hesitates and lets her hand fall, and nods to her instead. Mademoiselle.

Frank stares after him as he goes off the stage. Frank exits and Erica goes back into her house still sobbing. She blows her nose loudly and closes the door.The lights dim and brighten again to show time elapsing. It is the next day.